Bletch.

[batskeets]

So I was just sitting here realizing that there are a few people that aren't really in my life anymore, and they seemed like pretty cool people in their day. Some might have been downright valuable to know, had I had the chance to really know them, and others *were* valuable to know, because I DID get the chance to know them. And I feel a lot of regret when I notice that half of them don't even acknowledge my existence anymore unless they absolutely must. It makes me feel like I could have done something better, or done something differently, that might have changed things.

And then, with many of these people, I inevitably think: "But wait-- *S/HE'S* the one who blew *ME* off!"

And all that does is make me angry.

I feel that any good friend will let you know when something is on their mind, because friends should trust each other. And that friend will at least make the attempt to listen to you when something is on YOUR mind, even when it may seem inconvenient or difficult to do.

Any person that truly cares about you will be brave enough to face you, and confront you when you are causing them pain, because it is unfair to condemn someone for a prior action without knowing the true intentions behind it. You deserve to know how you affect other people, especially since you may not always be conscious of it.

And any person worth knowing will treat you with a basic level of respect, and will not condemn you just because you don't match up with their expectations, or cast aspersions about you just because they want to see something bad in you that doesn't truly exist.

Anybody who deserves your respect will not insult your dignity and integrity without any real basis of evaluation beyond what one or two biased individuals might have told them.

...

And, after thinking about all that, I feel absolved of guilt regarding anything that might have transpired between me and this small handful of people... but I'm not sure I like that feeling any better.

</depressing rant>

Comments

hmm

[qtktbug.livejournal.com]

In my silly idealistic way I like to rationalize like this:

People are attracted to each other at certain points in life because those friends serve a function. Every person in your life serves a function. This isnt bad its just there. For example, Suze (who im assuming is your best pal still?) serves the function of making you feel normal in that kooky hyper sort of way. She makes you feel normal with your web page/anime/internet musings and such. Thus her function.

Sometimes certain friends have bad parts or conflicting personality conflicts with you. Therefore, while they may effectively serve their function at that point in life (or vise versa) the bad or "not harmonic" personality flaws/aspects tend to outweigh the good. Theres so many people in this world that its too hard to limit your love persay. You are constantly evolving and changing at a rate different than your friends. Sometimes you change at the same speed with them, sometimes you change away from them, you may be in slow evolution phase while they are zooming past you or the other way around.

I say, dont let these failed relationships get to you. If things were meant to be they would eventually work out. And who knows, something quirky might just happen. Life likes to pull punches. Its one big throbing mass of intricate, sparastic, and deep tangled emotions which pulsate from person to person like a pinball. If you feel you wronged someone then yes always try to make things right. But if your friendships dridfted or they wronged you. Well it happens and hopefully they will learn to shed their pride and try contacting you again.

I hope this makes you feel a bit better. =)

Re: hmm

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Thaaaanks! :D You make a lot of sense.