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batskeetsMore Flaming Juggling photos, courtesy of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
doubleaught. I need to figure out if I have a similar Extended Exposure function on my camera, because those photos came out awesome.
My eyes HURT. And my throat hurts. And it's really stuffy and hot in here! I love that it's in the 50's outside, because *damn*, that felt nice this morning. but apparently the sunlight isn't doing much for the climate in this room where I do my work. x_x
Now that I'm feeling functional again, that conflicted feeling is back. I feel hugely bummed out at getting sick, because I didn't get to hang out with the wushu crew over the weekend, and Thomas was here visiting late in the week, and I only got to see the guy for all of an hour, because the rest of the time I was, you know, all dead and stuff. But, on the other hand, I feel happy that I didn't go on the wushu beach trip this weekend, because A) I felt like poop and would have been lousy company, B) I'd have probably passed on the germy badness to everyone else in the club, and C) Phil got in a nasty fender bender, and it could easily have been me, had I been there, because I've definitely been less alert than usual since I got sick. (nobody got hurt in said fender bender, BTW)
I end up feeling this way quite often, it seems. It shouldn't be such a complicated decision for me to spend time with others, but unless we're talking about my inner circle of people who are local and whom I am most comfortable with (which is basically, I don't know, Manor people + Janet), I have to cycle through all these insane debates with myself:
A) Am I in the right sort of mood to have fun with these people? When I spend time with people, I want to give the best of myself to them whenever possible, because my friends deserve that. I don't want to drag down the mood or wind up being a party-pooper.
B) Have I had enough time to myself recently? If I haven't, then I'll probably be less fun at whatever it is we're doing, *and* it'll drag me down in other important areas of my life, too. It doesn't happen often, but when I actually get stressed out, it is a Great Ugliness that no one should have to witness.
C) Are they going to be royally insulted if I don't show up? We can't have someone being mad at me, because it drives me totally insane over time.
D) Are they going to really notice if I don't show up? If I don't think I can contribute much to a gathering, then I might want to spend the time attending to point B, or redirecting the energy towards someone who will have a greater appreciation for my presence.
E) Will there be beer involved? If so, then I can usually stop caring about A through D by my 4th shot.
Yes, I actually go through this on a semi-regular basis. It seems totally ludicrous to do so, at times, but I can't really seem to get around it. I suppose the fact that I overanalyze this to such an extent serves as a window into the social difficulties I experienced in my formative years.
ANYWAY, all that garbage aside, I *did* have a pretty nice weekend. Lunch with the Manor posse on Saturday, the aformentioned party on Saturday night, parental units on Sunday, and gaming on my paid-holiday Monday. Paid holidays = <3! And, lots of relaxation and nappy time in between, so I was still able to recover decently from the sickness. I am lucky to have these opportunities. :)
Tonight = National Acrobats of Taiwan! :D This is not the usual sort of show that I go to, so it should be interesting. Until next time, my darlings.
doubleaught. I need to figure out if I have a similar Extended Exposure function on my camera, because those photos came out awesome.My eyes HURT. And my throat hurts. And it's really stuffy and hot in here! I love that it's in the 50's outside, because *damn*, that felt nice this morning. but apparently the sunlight isn't doing much for the climate in this room where I do my work. x_x
Now that I'm feeling functional again, that conflicted feeling is back. I feel hugely bummed out at getting sick, because I didn't get to hang out with the wushu crew over the weekend, and Thomas was here visiting late in the week, and I only got to see the guy for all of an hour, because the rest of the time I was, you know, all dead and stuff. But, on the other hand, I feel happy that I didn't go on the wushu beach trip this weekend, because A) I felt like poop and would have been lousy company, B) I'd have probably passed on the germy badness to everyone else in the club, and C) Phil got in a nasty fender bender, and it could easily have been me, had I been there, because I've definitely been less alert than usual since I got sick. (nobody got hurt in said fender bender, BTW)
I end up feeling this way quite often, it seems. It shouldn't be such a complicated decision for me to spend time with others, but unless we're talking about my inner circle of people who are local and whom I am most comfortable with (which is basically, I don't know, Manor people + Janet), I have to cycle through all these insane debates with myself:
A) Am I in the right sort of mood to have fun with these people? When I spend time with people, I want to give the best of myself to them whenever possible, because my friends deserve that. I don't want to drag down the mood or wind up being a party-pooper.
B) Have I had enough time to myself recently? If I haven't, then I'll probably be less fun at whatever it is we're doing, *and* it'll drag me down in other important areas of my life, too. It doesn't happen often, but when I actually get stressed out, it is a Great Ugliness that no one should have to witness.
C) Are they going to be royally insulted if I don't show up? We can't have someone being mad at me, because it drives me totally insane over time.
D) Are they going to really notice if I don't show up? If I don't think I can contribute much to a gathering, then I might want to spend the time attending to point B, or redirecting the energy towards someone who will have a greater appreciation for my presence.
E) Will there be beer involved? If so, then I can usually stop caring about A through D by my 4th shot.
Yes, I actually go through this on a semi-regular basis. It seems totally ludicrous to do so, at times, but I can't really seem to get around it. I suppose the fact that I overanalyze this to such an extent serves as a window into the social difficulties I experienced in my formative years.
ANYWAY, all that garbage aside, I *did* have a pretty nice weekend. Lunch with the Manor posse on Saturday, the aformentioned party on Saturday night, parental units on Sunday, and gaming on my paid-holiday Monday. Paid holidays = <3! And, lots of relaxation and nappy time in between, so I was still able to recover decently from the sickness. I am lucky to have these opportunities. :)
Tonight = National Acrobats of Taiwan! :D This is not the usual sort of show that I go to, so it should be interesting. Until next time, my darlings.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-18 10:49 pm (UTC)my advice is to make sure you have time for you. you can't get stuck worrying about pissing people off and ditching out all the time. the wushu guys used to hate me for not showing up to the parties, but 1) there was never any alcohol and 2) i had other stuff going on and as my friends they should respect that. lie in bed all day if you want. make sure you're completely over your sickness too.
oh! and tell me about the acrobats. this summer i considered seeing the peking acrobats at chinook winds, but never made it to the casino. probably that whole lack of money thing...