Oh MAN! ::rotfl::

[batskeets]

The following is from an EZboard here. It's insanely funny, and I hope even the religious types that might be reading this can see the humor in it. ^^;

Jesus is trying to kill me.

This is some kind of omen, I'm sure.

Today as I was pulling out of the Wal-Mart parking lot, a previously unnoticed religious pamphlet--a pamphlet that some kind Christian soldier had thoughtfully and without request jammed ever-so-thorougly into my windshield wiper--suddenly caught a strong gust of wind, neatly unfolded istelf, and then wrapped around my windshield like some kind of Christian face-hugger. All I could see was "Someone Special Has Touched Your Life" in sappy, Hallmark script and a picture of creepshow Jesus leering down at me from the cross on his back-cover pictorial. At 70mph, these items take on a brand new meaning.

"The Christians are trying to kill me!" was my immediate appraisal of the situation. I could see Jesus, arms outstretched, and I just knew that whoever put this pamphlet on my car was damn well determined to deliver me unto him in one fucking way or the other.

I got the car off the road safely, despite Jesus' very convincing game of "Am I in your way? Is this bothering you? I'm not touching you! " I calmly put the car in park, exited the vehicle, grabbed the fucking pamphlet, and proceeded to spike Jesus on the ground like I had just scored a touchdown.

So, for the record, I'm now an atheist. Just thought I'd inform everyone of the change in religious affiliation just in case any of you have some literature you'd like to share.

Comments

Holy death pamphlets

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, those pamplets are one of the sneakier ways we Christians evangelize. See, the righteous types will see it on their car, pick it up, read it, and feel all warm and fuzzy inside (you know, filled with the Holy Spirit, etc.). Heathen like you will ignore it and die on the freeway. Serves you right, thinking differently than me.

Just kidding. Personally, I don't think littering is a terribly effective way to spread the word of Christ. Too obnoxious. Miniseries on major networks are more benign. I think I saw a couple different specials around Easter, and one of them was a mixture of claymation and animation. How's that for progress? When I was a kid, we had to rely on Charlton Heston and plays in church. Charlton Heston, of course, now scares me.

Mike

oh, yeah...

[(Anonymous)]

... come to think of it, occasionally church is a bit strange too. One time we were singing this hymn, "O Happy Day". That was pretty much the lyrics. Pretty lame, huh? Not quite up there with "Silent Night" or "Gloria". That's not the worst part.

The worst part, it was sung to the tune of "How Dry I Am". Try singing THAT with a straight face. My brother and I were cracking up the whole time. Wonder who holds the copyright on the tune?

We've switched churches since then.

Mike