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doubleaught. I need to figure out if I have a similar Extended Exposure function on my camera, because those photos came out awesome.
My eyes HURT. And my throat hurts. And it's really stuffy and hot in here! I love that it's in the 50's outside, because *damn*, that felt nice this morning. but apparently the sunlight isn't doing much for the climate in this room where I do my work. x_x
Now that I'm feeling functional again, that conflicted feeling is back. I feel hugely bummed out at getting sick, because I didn't get to hang out with the wushu crew over the weekend, and Thomas was here visiting late in the week, and I only got to see the guy for all of an hour, because the rest of the time I was, you know, all dead and stuff. But, on the other hand, I feel happy that I didn't go on the wushu beach trip this weekend, because A) I felt like poop and would have been lousy company, B) I'd have probably passed on the germy badness to everyone else in the club, and C) Phil got in a nasty fender bender, and it could easily have been me, had I been there, because I've definitely been less alert than usual since I got sick. (nobody got hurt in said fender bender, BTW)
I end up feeling this way quite often, it seems. It shouldn't be such a complicated decision for me to spend time with others, but unless we're talking about my inner circle of people who are local and whom I am most comfortable with (which is basically, I don't know, Manor people + Janet), I have to cycle through all these insane debates with myself:
A) Am I in the right sort of mood to have fun with these people? When I spend time with people, I want to give the best of myself to them whenever possible, because my friends deserve that. I don't want to drag down the mood or wind up being a party-pooper.
B) Have I had enough time to myself recently? If I haven't, then I'll probably be less fun at whatever it is we're doing, *and* it'll drag me down in other important areas of my life, too. It doesn't happen often, but when I actually get stressed out, it is a Great Ugliness that no one should have to witness.
C) Are they going to be royally insulted if I don't show up? We can't have someone being mad at me, because it drives me totally insane over time.
D) Are they going to really notice if I don't show up? If I don't think I can contribute much to a gathering, then I might want to spend the time attending to point B, or redirecting the energy towards someone who will have a greater appreciation for my presence.
E) Will there be beer involved? If so, then I can usually stop caring about A through D by my 4th shot.
Yes, I actually go through this on a semi-regular basis. It seems totally ludicrous to do so, at times, but I can't really seem to get around it. I suppose the fact that I overanalyze this to such an extent serves as a window into the social difficulties I experienced in my formative years.
ANYWAY, all that garbage aside, I *did* have a pretty nice weekend. Lunch with the Manor posse on Saturday, the aformentioned party on Saturday night, parental units on Sunday, and gaming on my paid-holiday Monday. Paid holidays = <3! And, lots of relaxation and nappy time in between, so I was still able to recover decently from the sickness. I am lucky to have these opportunities. :)
Tonight = National Acrobats of Taiwan! :D This is not the usual sort of show that I go to, so it should be interesting. Until next time, my darlings.
doubleaught. I need to figure out if I have a similar Extended Exposure function on my camera, because those photos came out awesome.My eyes HURT. And my throat hurts. And it's really stuffy and hot in here! I love that it's in the 50's outside, because *damn*, that felt nice this morning. but apparently the sunlight isn't doing much for the climate in this room where I do my work. x_x
Now that I'm feeling functional again, that conflicted feeling is back. I feel hugely bummed out at getting sick, because I didn't get to hang out with the wushu crew over the weekend, and Thomas was here visiting late in the week, and I only got to see the guy for all of an hour, because the rest of the time I was, you know, all dead and stuff. But, on the other hand, I feel happy that I didn't go on the wushu beach trip this weekend, because A) I felt like poop and would have been lousy company, B) I'd have probably passed on the germy badness to everyone else in the club, and C) Phil got in a nasty fender bender, and it could easily have been me, had I been there, because I've definitely been less alert than usual since I got sick. (nobody got hurt in said fender bender, BTW)
I end up feeling this way quite often, it seems. It shouldn't be such a complicated decision for me to spend time with others, but unless we're talking about my inner circle of people who are local and whom I am most comfortable with (which is basically, I don't know, Manor people + Janet), I have to cycle through all these insane debates with myself:
A) Am I in the right sort of mood to have fun with these people? When I spend time with people, I want to give the best of myself to them whenever possible, because my friends deserve that. I don't want to drag down the mood or wind up being a party-pooper.
B) Have I had enough time to myself recently? If I haven't, then I'll probably be less fun at whatever it is we're doing, *and* it'll drag me down in other important areas of my life, too. It doesn't happen often, but when I actually get stressed out, it is a Great Ugliness that no one should have to witness.
C) Are they going to be royally insulted if I don't show up? We can't have someone being mad at me, because it drives me totally insane over time.
D) Are they going to really notice if I don't show up? If I don't think I can contribute much to a gathering, then I might want to spend the time attending to point B, or redirecting the energy towards someone who will have a greater appreciation for my presence.
E) Will there be beer involved? If so, then I can usually stop caring about A through D by my 4th shot.
Yes, I actually go through this on a semi-regular basis. It seems totally ludicrous to do so, at times, but I can't really seem to get around it. I suppose the fact that I overanalyze this to such an extent serves as a window into the social difficulties I experienced in my formative years.
ANYWAY, all that garbage aside, I *did* have a pretty nice weekend. Lunch with the Manor posse on Saturday, the aformentioned party on Saturday night, parental units on Sunday, and gaming on my paid-holiday Monday. Paid holidays = <3! And, lots of relaxation and nappy time in between, so I was still able to recover decently from the sickness. I am lucky to have these opportunities. :)
Tonight = National Acrobats of Taiwan! :D This is not the usual sort of show that I go to, so it should be interesting. Until next time, my darlings.
