Brain Tricks

[batskeets]

Apparently, the clacking sound of people folding up their tent poles in the early morning causes me to dream about eating things with chopsticks. Not that getting me to dream of food is exactly a stretch. ;)

If the mention of tents wasn't a clue, I just returned yesterday from an overnight camping stay Walla Walla, because a college acquaintance got married. He and I had a couple of classes together back in college, but he was actually for-reals-friends with Joe, so we were both invited. I suspect I wouldn't have been invited if I weren't dating Joe, though, so I was definitely a tertiary character, rather than a top-billed or even a supporting cast member.

So, there were some of Joe's friends, and some people we didn't know. But, pretty much all of them were people I didn't know well, or at all. Those are circumstances that are fine when I'm in the mood for them, but when I'm not? Guuuhhhh. I have to very consciously be in the mood to engage with people I don't know, and my brain just wasn't up for that. Well, not until a couple of drinks in, anyway.

I'm also really coming to dislike the "goodbye hug" ritual. There are the people I hug because I WANT to, because they're my friends and I love them as people. And, on the other end, there are the people whom I "have" to hug, because everyone else in the vicinity knows each other and are hugging, and there's suddenly some weird obligation to hug me, too, just because I happen to be standing there. I don't like doing affectionate things like hugging, or saying I Love You out of obligation.

Not even joking: I got goodbye-hugged by somebody whose name I didn't know, and whom I'm pretty sure didn't say even one sentence directly to me over the course of our stay. RIDICULOUS.

Anyhoo, you know those vacations that don't really feel like a vacation? This was one of those. I'm very tired. But hey, lots of free wine.

P.S. if you're reading this, I'm quite certain you're not in the Obligation Hugger category. So, if you're wondering, you can stop. ;)

Comments

[lillilah]

I hate weddings most of the time, since they always go to long, and I am not usually interested in interacting with anyone there. On the subject of hugging, in some of these circumstances there is a moment where the other person is deciding if this is a hugging situation or not. Maybe, you can try sticking out your hand for a goodbye handshake when you see someone getting ready to hug you. It is still touching, but at least it is less physical. I'll hug most people, so long as I don't actively dislike them, so this isn't so much an issue for me.

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm like you--I don't mind hugging people as long as I don't actively dislike them. It's more the, "well, I'm hugging all of these other people, so I guess I should hug you, too" interaction. The knowledge that someone feels obligated is the part I don't like, if that makes any sense.

[lillilah]

Makes complete sense.

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you're a regular reader of Captain Awkward or not, but she has a couple of good entries on how not to hug people if you don't want to:

http://captainawkward.com/2013/02/08/444-do-we-hug-because-my-feeling-is-that-no-we-dont/

http://captainawkward.com/2011/12/20/question-154-i-have-extreme-anxiety-about-being-touched-and-hugged-how-do-i-survive-and-upcoming-funeral/

I'm a pretty indiscriminate hugger, but I totally and 100% support you not having to deal with undesired hugs.