On Today's Episode of I Hate Networking

[batskeets]

Yeah, so, totally cried in the car after today's networking lunch. That was awesome. :p

Okay, I was already in a pretty defeatist mood when I left the house this morning. I remembered going to this same event a month ago, and basically shutting down and avoiding people like the plague a solid week before I felt normal again. I wasn't looking forward to that. But, seriously, CRYING? God. When did I become such a goddamned weepy mess? I never used to cry over anything.

I'd love to be in a place where I can just relax and be myself at these stupid networking lunches. Thing is, I don't feel that I CAN be myself, because my Real Self feels really awkward, finds the whole thing somewhat terrifying, and absolutely LOATHES talking about herself. And, I do have sort of a fundamental disconnect with networking: we're all there to get more business, but nobody's really allowed to SAY so.

I mean, yeah, I'll tell you about roller derby, or about PAX, or about how I cried at the ending of Mass Effect 3, but dear god, don't ask me to tell you why you should hire me. I can't handle it, apparently--I'll talk too low, or too fast, or too rambly. I'm so completely without pretense that I can't even pretend to have an organized thought or a snappy message. I can tell OTHER people how to do that, but I can't seem to do it for myself.

I've been advised to let the fact that I love my work shine through, but how the fuck do you DO that when you don't express yourself outward? I heard that a lot when I was growing up: we'd be doing something I liked, and someone would say, "you don't seem very excited."

It's not that I don't think I have skills, either--I'm awesome at what I do. But I'm not awesome at saying so. I've been not-awesome at that, and not-awesome with new people for my entire life. No amount of internal work I've done seems to have fixed that, and yet I have to be good at it. I have to go directly against every Introvert bone in my body and try to do these things, if I have any hope of surviving.

Nothing, NOTHING in the world makes me want to close up shop more than this.

That's the trouble with this whole stupid business thing: I've essentially agreed to have my #1 Failing As a Human Being thrown in my face on a regular basis.

Comments

[dark-knight-l.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. It always feels super awful when you know you're awesome at something (which, holy hell, you are COMPLETELY AWESOME at) but have a hard time at explaining that to someone else.

I'm not sure what type of networky thing this is, but, as a member of your team, I'd be happy to come along and talk you up if 1) that's allowed and 2) if you would want me to. I'm not the worst at networking, and maybe it would be less terrifying if you had a member of your team there to take a bit of the pressure up, fill up the silence, and talk you up? Not sure, but if you think it would help I'd be absolutely willing to!

[lillilah]

Have you considered props? Or practicing? Or writing a script? You could try bringing a photo and saying, "This is the photo I'm most proud of from last week." and then talking about it. Or you could figure out an "in", like perhaps a question that you are trying to find the answer to, like "Do you have advice as to how to make best use of these networking lunches?". (I used this technique when trying to date ladies, since I'm so awful at hitting on women. I asked about how to effectively get dates with ladies. It worked.) Or recording yourself talking about what you do and then watching it to see how you can _seem_ more outgoing? With the podcast, Joel has said that I need more umph, so I have had to work on it, but with practice I've gotten better. Don't think of it as a failing. Think of it as a skill that you haven't mastered yet. I'm sure that there were times when you were doing derby stuff, when you felt like you just couldn't do something. But you worked and worked and worked and worked (I know, because I have read about the work). Yes, it is true that some people have charisma and some don't. However, Joel decided to learn it (by talking to anyone who would talk to him, even if it was on the bus), and it worked. Treat it like a skill. Practice. Ask your friends which techniques work best. Ask friends who do acting for hints. You are awesome, but no one is perfect at everything the first time or first dozen times they try. If this isn't your strength, then you are going to have to work on your skills. Set reasonable goals. Build. Just because acting enthusiastic isn't your best stat doesn't mean that you suck. It only means that it isn't your best stat.

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

Oh, friend - I'm so sorry you had this experience. If it makes you feel any better, I would have had much the same reaction.

[ghost-girl.livejournal.com]

Ugh that suuuucks. :/

I wonder why no one has ever created a networking for introverts party. That would be awesome, and you could work with similarly minded people, heh.

The Spocker Has A Posse

[daemonwise.livejournal.com]

I'll echo Lexx's sentiments; if you need assistance (and I'm free), I'd love to go play Business Wingman. I'm actually fairly good at it, as long as it's not my own stuff I'm trying to schmooze.

Either way, I'm sorry that happened. You are one of the absolute coolest and best people I know. And you really are amazeballs personable and fun to talk to! But hoshit yeah social roadblocks are bitch.

The only thing I can say is, having been through enough similar situations myself, the picture of yourself you actually presented is almost always light-years better than the one you think you presented.

[december-clouds.livejournal.com]

It's just frustration. That's why we cry. :/

[antayla.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better, you don't seem like a withdrawn introvert on first meeting (we originally met at a damnportlanders meeting and you seemed pretty outgoing to me and made ME feel at ease.) Bear in mind just about everyone feels awkward at networking meetings. Maybe if you took the perspective that the other people feel just as stressed about it as you and that you're there to help them get through it. The trick perhaps is to talk LESS and ask questions that draw the other out. Then, you can take what they say and use it to show them you can solve their problems. If you can't solve their problems, maybe you know someone who can.

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Heh, talking too much is not exactly a problem I have--when I'm in a big group of strangers, I generally stay pretty quiet, to the point of not talking *enough*. ^^;