Making the choice

[batskeets]

I'll go ahead and admit it: I cried for a couple of minutes, while driving home from derby practice. It got off to a crappy start, and although I felt okay-ish by the end of it, the okay-ness feels temporary. All I need to do is get out of my own head, and just friggin' SKATE, but I can't seem to make myself do that. I've worked hard to come around to the belief that I can do anything I choose, anything at all, but nothing has made me question that more than doing this blasted sport.

But, then I checked my messages, and there was one from a friend who forwarded me a job posting. It appears to be everything I'd want out of whatever job I hold in the interim, until photography picks up. It's even part-time and work-from-home. It appears to be a job that I could actually *get*, because it draws upon skills I've been using and building in recent months, on my own time outside of work. I'd get to actually design things, and make them work.

I've felt adrift, these past several weeks, with all this energy and no real certainty as to where to direct it. I fell into a spiral, feeling as though nothing was improving, that some things were actually getting *worse*, and that there was no end in sight. Maybe this is the kick in the pants I needed, the change that I was looking for, the one that would be the first of many. Sometimes, I forget so easily that I don't have to accept what I've been given. I *can* find the direction I need again, and all I have to do is choose it. 

Either way, I am absolutely applying for that job first thing in the morning.

Comments

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

A lot of this resonates with me. I'm sending you good thoughts.

[matrixleap.livejournal.com]

Yes, good thoughts your way...

I have to say, this also resonates with me - if for nothing else, about the job thing and how the little endeavor I'm doing right now is, seemingly, everything I could want. The schedule, the people, the, well...everything.

If it sounds interesting and you can see yourself being happy and NOT adrift, then...YES...apply for it.

I'm happy for you that you will be.


You're awesome...you'll find your direction. I'm certain of it.

An awesome quote that I love works well here, I think...

"You'll learn, soon, that there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path..." (or something similar to that line)

=P


~D.

[archmage.livejournal.com]

Hell yes. Sounds like you're taking the next step, and that's a good thing. As for the derby? Maybe it's a good thing that you found something you love and want to do that take more work than you thought. That allows you to be even more proud of your work in it.

[lillilah]

Getting out of your own head is hard. It requires practice. Lots of practice. And it can be very frustrating because it is so difficult. I mean, the entire focus of Buddhist is "get out of your head" (ie mindfulness,) and meditation, which is about focusing on something (in this case your breathing) rather than what is going on in your head, can take quite a while to do well at. If an entire religion is built around facilitating "get out of your head", your difficulty with it isn't anything bad.

Good luck with the job, btw.