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batskeetsI'm not sure what it is, but things seem to be coming together incredibly well, over the past couple of weeks.
I've removed a fair bit of stressful drama from my life. I'm feeling calmer, but still keeping active and busy. My skating is apparently improving by leaps and bounds, and I'm having more fun at wushu again. I'm eating better, feeling better, interacting better. We may finally have found the right studio for our photography business, and we are gaining traction and getting bookings.
I have a dear friend of 15-or-so-years now living under my roof and loving my town. I have amazing and supportive friends whom I haven't known as long as that, but whom I hold incredibly dear. I think that I may, finally, be attracting the sort of relationships that I've deserved all along, the sort of things in LIFE that I've deserved, but never thought I could have. I'm suddenly IN DEMAND, and not in the awful, obligation-laden, anxiety-inducing sort of way.
Things seem markedly different than they were even a few weeks ago, and I know some of it is a resolve to just take better care of myself, but, hell, sometimes I think I'm just looking at the world differently. All the insanity of the past two years has given me such an appreciation of the small things, and the energy I'm putting out into the universe is strangely positive. I feel as if I am, in some ways, more myself than I've been in... well, possibly ever.
In light of that, I can't help wondering: is this really all it takes? Is it simply a matter of telling the universe what you want, and actually believing in the returns? Did these things not come to me because I wouldn't allow myself to accept them?
If that's the case, while I'm sad for the wasted time in my 20s, I'm certainly glad to have figured it out now. Better late than never. :)
I've removed a fair bit of stressful drama from my life. I'm feeling calmer, but still keeping active and busy. My skating is apparently improving by leaps and bounds, and I'm having more fun at wushu again. I'm eating better, feeling better, interacting better. We may finally have found the right studio for our photography business, and we are gaining traction and getting bookings.
I have a dear friend of 15-or-so-years now living under my roof and loving my town. I have amazing and supportive friends whom I haven't known as long as that, but whom I hold incredibly dear. I think that I may, finally, be attracting the sort of relationships that I've deserved all along, the sort of things in LIFE that I've deserved, but never thought I could have. I'm suddenly IN DEMAND, and not in the awful, obligation-laden, anxiety-inducing sort of way.
Things seem markedly different than they were even a few weeks ago, and I know some of it is a resolve to just take better care of myself, but, hell, sometimes I think I'm just looking at the world differently. All the insanity of the past two years has given me such an appreciation of the small things, and the energy I'm putting out into the universe is strangely positive. I feel as if I am, in some ways, more myself than I've been in... well, possibly ever.
In light of that, I can't help wondering: is this really all it takes? Is it simply a matter of telling the universe what you want, and actually believing in the returns? Did these things not come to me because I wouldn't allow myself to accept them?
If that's the case, while I'm sad for the wasted time in my 20s, I'm certainly glad to have figured it out now. Better late than never. :)
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Date: 2010-11-11 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-11 01:19 am (UTC)And yes, life is that easy. It's people that make it hard.
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Date: 2010-11-11 01:44 am (UTC)I hope to someday be in this place myself.
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Date: 2010-11-11 02:53 am (UTC)I remember a few years back, I did a fair bit of introspective questioning about what I considered important and so on. I came to the conclusion that the most important thing in life, to me, is being happy. Once I made that my priority, things got a lot better. I'm the happiest I've ever been, life is wonderful, and I can only see it getting better from here on out.
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Date: 2010-11-11 04:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-11 07:42 pm (UTC)I ask myself the same thing all the time. I have to wonder if its possible to be able to do that in your early 20's. I mean, I didn't have any life experience that would make me believe or even know how to tell the universe what I want and need. Nor how to -really- look at things with fresh perspective.
*Hugsyoutight* I'm so happy things are good right now. You deserve it, girl!