Un-til we DANCE! In-to the FI-RE!

[batskeets]

The wushu fire in me has been waning over the past few months, and in a pretty serious way. When I haven't been thinking about work, derby, or how crappy I feel this week, I've been mulling over this development.

Fact is, wushu has seen me through a lot of ups and downs. My love affair with wushu has lasted longer than any of my prior relationships. In tough and stressful times, wushu was often the only thing keeping me sane and centered. Wushu was basically my gateway drug to a whole host of wacky physical pursuits, and I owe my health, my fitness, and my active lifestyle to it. It sounds corny, but wushu truly did change my life.

With that in mind, it's hard to contemplate being without it, even though my heart hasn't been in it the way it used to be. I've thought off-and-on about quitting, but I don't think I'm quite there, yet.

So, I have something of a strategy for how to really test this, and see if I'm really Done, or just burnt out:

Take a break. Not just from wushu, but from a lot of things. Wushu has felt like one obligation of many, as of late, and I know that's not helping. Fortunately my schedule opens up more after Halloween, so I'll get the chance to do that soon. Even next week isn't so bad, aside from Alyson's wedding and any bachelorette-related shenanigans.

Hang in there until after the belt test. I've also figured out that I really don't enjoy 9-section chainwhip. It's very heavily based on timing your movements just right, so being even an hour short on sleep will slow my reaction time just enough to have me screwing up all over the place, and beaning myself in the head with a weighted metal object. Yes, this is frustrating as hell. And we've been doing it for MONTHS. We just finished the form last week, so belt test *should* come up soon, which means we'd start a different form after that, and I'll be free of chainwhip.

Go to Eugene some night soon and train with UO. It's not a huge secret that I don't love my current school. I *do* love my teachers, but the way classes are structured gives me very little freedom, and the training is definitely not as rigorous as I want it to be. It's tough to stay motivated. But things like practicing with UO, judging at Collegiates, getting back into a community of peers who love the sport, have always left me more fired-up to train. So, maybe reconnecting with my roots again will help me remember why I love this.

If none of these things works? Well, maybe it's time. But for now, I'm giving it a little room to breathe, and seeing what happens.

Comments

[ghost-girl.livejournal.com]

Aw man, you got that song stuck in my head! :D

I think that sounds like an excellent plan! :) I think the 2nd one sounds particularly useful, since it sounds like that form isn't your favorite, heh. :D

[madeofmeat.livejournal.com]

I'm ashamed that I don't recognize the song.

Regardless, I have to say that when something feels more like work than fun, well, that's tough. Especially when it's something you've been doing and enjoying for years. I understand how that feels. I understand how good it feels to let things go, though. Your ideas for giving the art a few extra chances seem very reasonable.

Best of luck.

[cmsunflash.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I understand how you feel. I've been thinking the same way towards wushu lately - I didn't train at all over the summer and realized I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. I've only practiced once since fall term started...actually, I am skipping practice at this very minute as I write this to you. :) But there are still times when I realize how much I still love it, so maybe a break will help you reaffirm that. If anything, training at UO will probably do a lot of good; whenever I have an awesome practice with people who are so enthusiastic about the sport, it's really inspiring. Anyways, good luck and I hope you do stick with it. :)

[lillilah]

My $0.02: Don't be afraid to change. If you move away from wushu but keep active, then perhaps this is what is best for you.