Depressed Skeets is Depressed.

[batskeets]

Except for the excellent fun of my gaming session yesterday, I had a really lousy day. For a few of the usual reasons, I woke up in a bad mood and not really wanting to talk to anybody. Fortunately, the house was pretty empty for most of the morning, so that wasn't a difficult thing to accomplish.

Went to a party at Serafin's new place after getting back from gaming, and I was tired and mostly hanging around total strangers, and thusly felt very awkward. Then I ate a ton of food that I wasn't hungry for, and didn't even really want, because I was feeling awkward on top of being all depressed. And then I got more depressed after getting home, because I ate so much crap, after promising myself after PAX that I'd keep healthy.

So I basically found myself laying in bed at 2am feeling like a complete loser and wanting to cry about it. Boy was in the basement yukking it up with Andy, and I didn't want to bother anyone else with my piddly issues at such a late hour. I was tired enough to fall asleep pretty quickly, anyway, so I suppose it didn't matter. But I really need to re-evaluate some things, if they're affecting me enough to make me turn back towards compulsive food behaviors.

ANYHOO, here are some things that have made me happier recently, because I need some friggin' positivity today:

• Finding out that New Seasons carries grass-fed beef... and it's locally-raised!
• Seeing katlyn and twilite_embrace  at the movies on Friday, even if there wasn't much room for chit-chat. The hugs were still welcome :)
• Watching 9, which was simply decent plot/character-wise, but the look and the universe they created were *really* enjoyable for me. And 7 was also a total badass.
• Having a Halloween costume idea that isn't from a video game. Not that there's anything wrong with video game costumes, but after having done that 3 out of the last 4 years, it's time I mix it up a bit. :)
• Going on a ~2-hour bike ride with Morgan and Pete around the 'Tron area on Saturday, and not entirely sucking at it!
• Getting good prices on local organics, and also some funky pastries to share with gaming group at the farmer's market. (hawaiian sweet roll with guava-cream-cheese filling! Craziness)
• Making yams for gaming group yesterday. Oven-roasted with garlic and fresh thyme... they turned out nom-licious!
• Gaming session. Lots of zombie-smashing, survival horror, and relaxed-and-groovy fun.

Yikes. Upon looking at that list, it's a little scary that food can make me so deliriously happy at some times, and so woefully depressed at others. My relationship with food is quite possibly even more screwed up than my interpersonal relationships.

Comments

[katlyn.livejournal.com]

I was really happy to see you too. And so bummed about not being able to talk, but I was pretty craptastically tired on Friday. :{

Sorry if I squeed in your ear whenever 7 came on! Hehehe. Go Grrrl Power!

I feel yah on the food thing. I've had no will power lately. Though, I think you should know that even hanging out with you just a little on Friday inspired me to do better.

Love you. *hugs*

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was really tired too. But you are worth dragging my ass out of the house :) ::hugsx1000::

[matrixleap.livejournal.com]

Sorry we didn't make it up to meet you guys - we decided at the last second just to do own own thing.

=)

I'm sure everyone who is in a relationship can understand.

Free anytime this weekend to hang out a bit?

~D.

[skeets.livejournal.com]

We're doing an event on Sunday, but I might have some time on Saturday afternoon/evening :)

[lillilah]

I have two thoughts on this:
1. "my piddly issues" is totally belittling your feelings. Good or bad, very important or not, your feelings matter. If you feel like crying, this is a big deal and you need comfort - just like everyone else.

2. As pointed out above, it is completely normal to have shitty, depressed or insecure moments, and more importantly even the most together person in the whole world will have them. If you come up with a formula for dealing with those moments, you'll be happier. My solution is to go to Joel and ask for sympathy and a pat on the head. Joel knows that I have those moments and expects them. I don't want him to fix them and I don't want to take up tons of his time. I just want a little bit of love and understanding. If I'm alone, I read a book, cuddle a pet or listen to a favorite song. For the Peace Corps, I put together a book of things that make me feel better (including the first few pages of Snowcrash, photos of Joel, and some of my favorite forwards from back in the day). It worked. Oh, and I have some scented oils that I like too. Then I tell myself, "You can't be depressed if you smell like flowers".

[skeets.livejournal.com]

1) Yeah, and I am aware of that. Still, when your friends are going through really difficult times of their own, it's hard to convince yourself that "waaahhh I ate too much today and feel like a fat monster" is worth complaining about to them, when they have much worse things to tangle with.

2) I have been working out some good mechanisms for dealing with this stuff during normal times. I guess I still need to figure out a plan for the, "It's 2am and I'm alone, and I should be going to sleep anyway because I have to work in the morning but I'm SAAADDD," times. :)