What's expected of a lady
Aug. 3rd, 2007 10:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
batskeetsI've had this rant in my head for a while now... long enough that I *may* have already posted about it--and if so, forgive me--but here I go anyway:
When you're a female of the species, it's hard not to think about your appearance. Our pesky cultural standards seem to dictate that we must, even when we don't consciously want to. It becomes ingrained.
That alone makes me cranky. I don't really want to be waking up in the morning and having THAT be one of the first things to come to mind, by default. If I don't feel like dealing with my appearance that day, then I should have the freedom to just roll out in whatever's comfortable and be done with it. Having that nagging sense of, "oh, gosh, you're not going to leave the house like THAT, are you?" is an annoyance that I don't need. As if society hasn't dreamed up enough other ways to make women feel guilty about trivial things!
More irritating is that those expectations bleed into the workplace. My old job was a blessing in this way: I could show up in a giant sweatshirt and no makeup, or arrive all done up in some fun new outfit, and it made no difference. Now that I'm here in CorporateLand, I *have* to think about how I dress every weekday morning, whether I like it or not. Nothing serves to make a workday morning worse than being forced to do *yet* another thing that you don't want to do.
However, I also don't feel that women should be expected to shun all concern about their appearance, as some kind of silent protest against that cultural standard. Sometimes I *like* to play with the pretty makeup colors, or put on something more stylish, or have my winter scarves and hats match my outfits. I'm artistically inclined, I like color. And yeah, sometimes there are days when I'd like to get a more positive response from people, and face it, people *are* nicer to you when you look cute. It's not right, but it happens.
And yet, when you look too put-together, you get snap judgments labeling you as vain and self-centered, even if you're just having fun or experimenting. It's another one of those lose-lose situations that women have to put up with, much like the old virginity question: "if you haven't, then you're a prude, but if you have, then you're a slut."
I've seen women who tout their lack of adornments as empowerment, and I've also seen women who flaunt their sexuality and call *that* empowerment. I've also seen people in both groups arguing over whether or not the other group's approach *is* empowering. Thing is, both of those tactics are reactions based on an existing cultural standard that women didn't put into place. People do those things out of some attempt to rail against that standard, but not necessarily because they want to do that thing.
Thing is, it's not about doing what's expected of you, or actively NOT doing what's expected of you. It's about doing what you genuinely feel like doing, when you feel like doing it. It's about not being bullied into one action or another by society, or men, or even other "empowered" females. It's about taking an action, without worrying about the standards that others have set for you.
THAT is empowerment.
------
And now, on a completely silly note... WWII: the abridged version for Gamers!
When you're a female of the species, it's hard not to think about your appearance. Our pesky cultural standards seem to dictate that we must, even when we don't consciously want to. It becomes ingrained.
That alone makes me cranky. I don't really want to be waking up in the morning and having THAT be one of the first things to come to mind, by default. If I don't feel like dealing with my appearance that day, then I should have the freedom to just roll out in whatever's comfortable and be done with it. Having that nagging sense of, "oh, gosh, you're not going to leave the house like THAT, are you?" is an annoyance that I don't need. As if society hasn't dreamed up enough other ways to make women feel guilty about trivial things!
More irritating is that those expectations bleed into the workplace. My old job was a blessing in this way: I could show up in a giant sweatshirt and no makeup, or arrive all done up in some fun new outfit, and it made no difference. Now that I'm here in CorporateLand, I *have* to think about how I dress every weekday morning, whether I like it or not. Nothing serves to make a workday morning worse than being forced to do *yet* another thing that you don't want to do.
However, I also don't feel that women should be expected to shun all concern about their appearance, as some kind of silent protest against that cultural standard. Sometimes I *like* to play with the pretty makeup colors, or put on something more stylish, or have my winter scarves and hats match my outfits. I'm artistically inclined, I like color. And yeah, sometimes there are days when I'd like to get a more positive response from people, and face it, people *are* nicer to you when you look cute. It's not right, but it happens.
And yet, when you look too put-together, you get snap judgments labeling you as vain and self-centered, even if you're just having fun or experimenting. It's another one of those lose-lose situations that women have to put up with, much like the old virginity question: "if you haven't, then you're a prude, but if you have, then you're a slut."
I've seen women who tout their lack of adornments as empowerment, and I've also seen women who flaunt their sexuality and call *that* empowerment. I've also seen people in both groups arguing over whether or not the other group's approach *is* empowering. Thing is, both of those tactics are reactions based on an existing cultural standard that women didn't put into place. People do those things out of some attempt to rail against that standard, but not necessarily because they want to do that thing.
Thing is, it's not about doing what's expected of you, or actively NOT doing what's expected of you. It's about doing what you genuinely feel like doing, when you feel like doing it. It's about not being bullied into one action or another by society, or men, or even other "empowered" females. It's about taking an action, without worrying about the standards that others have set for you.
THAT is empowerment.
------
And now, on a completely silly note... WWII: the abridged version for Gamers!
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no subject
Date: 2007-08-03 11:21 pm (UTC)Men in the corporate world are generally expected to wear expensive suits and ties and keep a clean-cut appearance, with shorter hair and little to no facial hair.
At Sears, we have a relatively relaxed standard of dress code. However, I've heard multiple customers express disbelief at the unkempt appearance of some of my male coworkers, saying in effect, "I'd never buy something from someone who looks like that." Appearance, whether we like it or not, often dictates how people respond in terms of how they spend their money. On the same token, I've wanted to wear my suit to work for some time, but no one else dresses like that and I feel that I would face the same problem you would, looking like 'a player' or someone who wants all the attention.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-03 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-06 04:51 pm (UTC)But man, it makes me crabby when I feel like throwing on jeans and a t-shirt, but still *have* to roll out in a skirt or (usually uncomfortable) slacks, because my two lonely pairs of comfy-but-work-appropriate pants are dirty. ;p I have fun with it when I'm in a certain mood, but I really have to be in that mood to feel natural in that stuff.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-04 01:03 am (UTC)There are these unspoken expectations that people have about you because of your gender.
Men will do manly things. Fix things, work on cars, go to work, mow the lawn.
Females will do feminine things. Look pretty, stay home, cook things, clean things, etc.
It is very hard to resist the urge to follow what is socially expected and it is just as hard not to do the extreme opposite.
Its hard for me to not feel guilty when Aaron does all the cooking even when he likes doing it (I don't) and he's better at it. People are still shocked (yes in 2007) that "The Husband" cooks.
Like the other day I called my Mom as I made dinner for myself and when I told her what I was doing her little calm 1950's mental pool was disturbed. "That's not how I was raised!" She said. I explained to her that I have "lunch" at 10:45 in the morning so when I get home at 4 I'm starved and I'm not waiting around until like 6 or maybe 7 when Aaron gets home just to end up making something that we'll force ourselves to eat because I made the effort. I explained to her again how he is the better cook anyway.
Its funny that in this point in history when the physical side of gender is being blurred that if you claim one or the other you are promptly handed "gender baggage" to carry around the rest of your life.
I went off a little on that topic. I think I'll post this on my journal since I hardly ever write.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-04 04:06 am (UTC)... but that WWII graphic owned me!!
Agreed!
Date: 2007-08-04 06:46 am (UTC)Good luck in finding your balance.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-04 07:29 am (UTC)Where does the internal motivation possibly come from, your genes? What do they have to say about fashion; and even if they did have something to say - wouldn't it have been overwritten by society long ago.
I don't mean this as a criticism, just some of the thoughts I struggle with myself.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-06 04:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-04 04:17 pm (UTC)Next, I find that the fewer mirrors I have in my place, the less I care about what I look like. In my previous place, I had giant mirrors, so I was able to fuss more about how my clothes looked. In the current place, I've only got the bathroom mirror, so I really only care about my face and hair. When I lived in Africa, I just had a tiny tiny mirror, so I mainly stressed about my pimples. I still tried to dress nice, but I couldn't fuss over little details 'cause I couldn't see them.
Amusingly, Joel and I were talking yesterday about how I dress frilly some days and quite butch the next. At this point, I don't care too much about how I look, as I figure that Eugene forgives a lot of excentricities.