Expectations

[batskeets]

There are times when I want to be able to see into the lives of other people.

I don't mean just seeing them and interacting with them, either. That limits you to only what they want you to see. People put on a happy face for the public, and they can pretend that everything is terrific, but once you get past that facade, there can be a whole world of unhappiness. (yeah, I'm well acquainted with how that works ;p) I want to be able to see all of the ugliness that lurks behind the happy facade. I want to peer into the minds of people and see what they really feel about the state of their lives.

I want to see all of this, because I want to know if I'm expecting too much out of life. We can try to observe the lives of others, but we really don't know if they're happy with what they're given, or *how* happy they are with what they have. All we really have to go on is what others tell us.

Maybe if I can know how happy other people are, I can know what level of happiness *I* can rightfully expect from this life. I think, at times, that I'm being wildly unrealistic with my expectations. I have ideals burned into my brain and I continue to search for them, even though it sometimes seems that maybe I should learn to be happy with what I'm given.

Still, at the same time, it feels like a cop-out to just settle for less than your ideal. Isn't that what drives us as people?

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In other news, this looks really cool, so I must bookmark it in my brain: Fight Science! It has a couple of prominent wushu players in it, too. :D

I lifted like crazy yesterday, and I am soooo paying for it today. Ouch ouch ouch.

Comments

[divadrummer.livejournal.com]

Snakes on a Plane - Friday. I'd love to lunch earlier if you don't have plans, or otherwise get together. I have a lot of thoughts on the subjects you've been posting recently (and hopefully even some comfort therein).

[lillilah]

In my life, I've found that my happiness level = situation + outlook + brain chemistry. If my situation sucks (bad job, unhappy relationship, loneliness, life stagnating), a positive outlook and not having a broken brain make things okay, but certainly not fabu. I'm sure that for different people each of those factors (situation, outlook and brain chemistry) have different weights.

As far as finding what is ideal for you, in my life I found that I wasn't taking enough time to really analyze all my options. I would date a guy because he seemed fun rather than asking all the hard questions, even though I always date for the long term. My financial situation was full of the same kind of short term thinking, plus I was letting fear and over-cautiousness control my decision making for my life plan. I guess a big part of this too was that it took a long time for me to figure out exactly what I wanted and where I wanted to go with my life. Once I figured out those things, it was a lot easier to make other decisions.

So, what am I under the mask? Pretty much WYSIWYG. I'm content and very very happy. However, I suffered a life-altering brain injury. There are definitely times when I feel awful, too. I think much of my happiness comes from having a partner who I don't fight with, who encourages me to push my limits and to do new things, and who doesn't have emotional problems. To me, that makes a huge difference. Also, I have a good financial situation for the first time in a long time. Mostly because of my husband.

You don't need to settle. In my opinion, you need to figure out your goals and then work on them, 'cause everything else will fall into place when you are doing what you want to be doing (if you are open to the good things that come your way).

[polysciguy.livejournal.com]

Sure, there may be an entire world of unhappiness out there. But it also, can be true, that we choose not to let each other be happy.......it may be the optimist in me....but the ugliness that you see...I think its just humanity....don't know if that helps...

[skeets.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not ultimately about ugliness or who's hiding what... it's just wanting to have some idea of what's actually possible. If everyone is satisfied, then that's awesome, but if nobody is ever satisfied, then what right do I have to expect it?

[sarapada.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah, I know that feeling.

Actually, trying to determine how realistic my expectations are takes up a LOT of my brain energy. I really like bychoice's little equatio, though - I can forsee using it a lot when I play the "am I normal?" with myself.

As far as settling vs. ideal... to me, the big thing is realizing that "ideal" and "perfect" are two different things. I have spent a lot of energy, for example, comparing my relationship to the starry-eyed dreams of the perfect boyfriend I had when I was thirteen. (Which is kind of a dumb example, but still.) But when it comes to "ideal", to me, that's things like honesty, humor, all of the good stuff... so I feel good about things. I always have to watch myself to make sure I don't cross the line from "having good standards" to "wanting things exactly my way". But that's just me.

[threeleet.livejournal.com]

Remember "Earshot," where Buffy's telling Jonathan that nobody notices his pain 'cause they're all too busy dealing with their own? Pretty accurate.

[aleisha.livejournal.com]

I'd honestly have to say that you shouldn't judge your level of happiness by the amount of happiness others have. You won't find what suits you that way. The important thing is to know what your goals are and to find peace.

[junsiew.livejournal.com]

yep, it's cool if you and your friends wanna crash at my house this Saturday the 12th.
gimme a call when you know what time abouts you should be here.