"I... I LIVE! But I don't feel so hot..."
Feb. 14th, 2005 02:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
batskeetsI must repost this, courtesy of BB. So horrible, yet funny: "Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
Hee hee. :) Anyway, as you may have guessed, I'm back at work. Mostly okay. Sounding less croaky. Golf claps. ;p
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Interesting social commentary: my officemates and I all seem to agree that we are almost never asked out or picked up on by guys in our own age group. It could probably be said that the three of us represent a pretty good variety of aesthetics in terms of physical attractiveness. (as in, we're cute, but in ways that aren't similar to each other) Yet, the only men that seem to bother trying, with any of us, are much older men, or guys who appear to be homeless or generally skeevy, or who otherwise appear to have nothing in particular to lose.
See, tradition dictates that the man approaches the woman when he wants to pursue her in a non-platonic context. It's true that society is moving away from that notion, but there are probably still a significant number of women today who feel that they have to wait for their intended to do the asking. There's probably an even greater number of women who are just not bold enough to do the asking themselves, even though they logically know that doing so doesn't automatically make her a floozy.
Take my incredibly limited dating history, for instance (in no particular order):
One boy was quietly observing me for several months, while I was quietly pining away for him. I eventually got tired of not knowing if he was interested, and wound up asking *him* out. (After dicussing it later, I apparently only beat him to the punch by a mere 12 hours, but that was still after a long waiting period and some pretty darned obvious overtures from me, so, point goes in my column.)
One boy made friends with me, and we eventually kind of fell into a sort of not-relationship, without any formal courtship or dating.
One boy asked me out, but only after an *insane* amount of prodding from my friends, and after receiving confirmation from my mouth to his ears that I was interested in him. (Arguably, he might have done it himself eventually, but the fact is that the act actually occurred on a dare.)
One boy was asked out by me, because I was feeling unusually bold, and I took on the traditionally male role of making the first move.
One boy eventually asked me out, but only after a couple months of getting-to-know-you correspondence, and I was the one who originally initiated contact with him. (this is the legendary "guy I picked up accidentally," if'n you've heard the story)
One boy actively pursued me in the way one would expect, shortly after meeting me--i.e., he saw something he liked, and he went for it of his own accord.
So, yeah, that's not a very good ratio of bold, traditional boys. The very last one in the list is the only one that seems to strongly fit in with the traditional mold. And for at least 4 of those 6 instances, I was the absolute worst kind of coward when it came to interacting with boys I was actually interested in, so the fact that a big sissy like me has picked up or asked out that large a percentage of them is probably saying something about today's male.
I'm also of the belief that geeky/nerdy boys are more sensitive and more timid than your average frat rat or yuppie-in-training, which may be a factor in this sampling. But, that's another rant for another time. :)
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Foofy girly crap follows!
The time for blue hair streaks is near, I can feel it! :O Either that, or I'm chopping my hair off again. Or maybe both. Maybe. I think I'm starting to understand why soccer moms and other busy women tend to keep their hair short, because my long hair is getting to be awfully high-maintenance, as of late. I don't remember it being this time-consuming when I was younger! Maybe I'm just getting old. Or impatient. Or both.
But yeah, blue hair, to match my cheapo blue silks for Collegiates! I'm thinking that for Berkeley, I'll get pink silks and have hair to match, because it seems fun. And pink streaks would be smokin' on my head. I always loudly declare that I hate pink, so I'll confuse the masses by wearing it! :O But no, seriously, I have learned in recent months that a nice, mauve-y pink is acceptable, and even mildly flattering, so I guess I'm going with it.
But I still hate the hypercute, fluffy, barfy sort of pink. You know, just so we're clear. ;pppp
I will now post the following, because I am a meme lemming. (cue mindless stroll off the edge of a nearby cliff)
LJ friendsCollage.
Brought to you by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pratibha75 and teemus.
Wow, do I need to shrink my friends list. (yeah, as if that's going to happen ;p)
Anyway, I'm off!
Hee hee. :) Anyway, as you may have guessed, I'm back at work. Mostly okay. Sounding less croaky. Golf claps. ;p
---------------------------------------
Interesting social commentary: my officemates and I all seem to agree that we are almost never asked out or picked up on by guys in our own age group. It could probably be said that the three of us represent a pretty good variety of aesthetics in terms of physical attractiveness. (as in, we're cute, but in ways that aren't similar to each other) Yet, the only men that seem to bother trying, with any of us, are much older men, or guys who appear to be homeless or generally skeevy, or who otherwise appear to have nothing in particular to lose.
See, tradition dictates that the man approaches the woman when he wants to pursue her in a non-platonic context. It's true that society is moving away from that notion, but there are probably still a significant number of women today who feel that they have to wait for their intended to do the asking. There's probably an even greater number of women who are just not bold enough to do the asking themselves, even though they logically know that doing so doesn't automatically make her a floozy.
Take my incredibly limited dating history, for instance (in no particular order):
So, yeah, that's not a very good ratio of bold, traditional boys. The very last one in the list is the only one that seems to strongly fit in with the traditional mold. And for at least 4 of those 6 instances, I was the absolute worst kind of coward when it came to interacting with boys I was actually interested in, so the fact that a big sissy like me has picked up or asked out that large a percentage of them is probably saying something about today's male.
I'm also of the belief that geeky/nerdy boys are more sensitive and more timid than your average frat rat or yuppie-in-training, which may be a factor in this sampling. But, that's another rant for another time. :)
---------------------------------------
Foofy girly crap follows!
The time for blue hair streaks is near, I can feel it! :O Either that, or I'm chopping my hair off again. Or maybe both. Maybe. I think I'm starting to understand why soccer moms and other busy women tend to keep their hair short, because my long hair is getting to be awfully high-maintenance, as of late. I don't remember it being this time-consuming when I was younger! Maybe I'm just getting old. Or impatient. Or both.
But yeah, blue hair, to match my cheapo blue silks for Collegiates! I'm thinking that for Berkeley, I'll get pink silks and have hair to match, because it seems fun. And pink streaks would be smokin' on my head. I always loudly declare that I hate pink, so I'll confuse the masses by wearing it! :O But no, seriously, I have learned in recent months that a nice, mauve-y pink is acceptable, and even mildly flattering, so I guess I'm going with it.
But I still hate the hypercute, fluffy, barfy sort of pink. You know, just so we're clear. ;pppp
I will now post the following, because I am a meme lemming. (cue mindless stroll off the edge of a nearby cliff)
~skeets~
Brought to you by
pratibha75 and teemus.Wow, do I need to shrink my friends list. (yeah, as if that's going to happen ;p)
Anyway, I'm off!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
If I was a lesbian in your town...
Date: 2005-02-14 04:32 pm (UTC)Re: If I was a lesbian in your town...
Date: 2005-02-14 05:29 pm (UTC)But yeah, the general consensus was, "hey, the people who *should* logically be hitting on me, and whom we might actually reciprocate towards, are never the ones who actually do it!"
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 07:23 pm (UTC)#1. Like so many cool people, when you finally were really getting the identity/confidence/dating thing really really down, you fell in love. Thereby getting the superterrifichappyfun in-love prize, but losing the ability to capitalize on your newfound mac-daddy skillz. That last year of being single, there was a real feeding frenzy developing. Once you found your social niche, a whole cascade of effects happened-- you stopped flying through roommates, you started to shine like you were incandescent, people started talking about you like you're gods gift to geeks (which of course, you are). I don't wanna even count how many times I heard "Oh my god, that new girl from the fourth floor ___________, I really really want her". where _______ was:
-"Quoted SpaceGhost", in the case of The Last Step In Human Evolution
-"Showed up in her Anime Costume", in the case of a lot of people
-"Has the best webpage on gladstone", in the case of me.
-"is perfect", in the case of J.
#2. You have the most intense mixture of introvert and ostentatious I've ever met. The fashion, the LJ, the blue hair all scream "Really super confident social outgoing person". The shy, quiet, eeyoresque demeanor screams "introverted around new people (and old people)". When you put them together, it screams: "She's obviously wild and outgoing and crazy and super social.... but she isn't being supersocial with me. she must HATE me".
#3. You're only interested in relatively nice, intelligent, sensitive, good person types. So, automatically, you don't get hit on when you're a) in a relationship (because nice guys don't do that) or b) when there's even a slim chance you're not interested (because nice guys are sensitive and get hurt easily and don't wanna eek you).
The intersection of the these three is that you tend to get hit on only by:
-Older or otherwise desperate types who don't mind rejection
-Masochistic types who don't mind a rejection or two so longs as they wind up with you eventually.
-Wonderful types who have demanded irrefutable proof of your interest because they didn't want to freak you or lose their chances with you or otherwise eek you.
-C
no subject
Date: 2005-02-14 08:10 pm (UTC)Maybe you all manage to give off some kind of "not available/not looking/not interested in men" vibe?
no subject
Date: 2005-02-15 07:11 am (UTC)Anyway, I am relatively comfortable with the whole process, it is more the gettin to know you part that sucks for me. I am so horrendous at small talk. So so so. Why don't they offer classes on this? It'd be ridiculous, but I'd probably take classes on how to better talk to people.
I think the fact that the movie Hitch exists is a prime example of the more emasculated male of our times. I can't imagine a movie like that being made in the '50s or '60s.
Dear Dr. Skeeterlove:
Date: 2005-02-20 10:04 am (UTC)2. Yet, the only men that seem to bother trying, with any of us, are much older men, or guys who appear to be homeless or generally skeevy, or who otherwise appear to have nothing in particular to lose.
I totally know what you mean. I get hit on constantly, but it's only by the greasy-haired "I've got a reasonably large wad of cash and a big dick, how could you not want me in your bed?!" personas, lolicon-gleeful basement nerds (not that there's anything wrong with them, but they're generally not my type), and guys who are convinced that they've made my day by pinning me down and tickling me until I can't breath. It upset me for the longest time, and still does, to a certain extent -- is it me? Am I emanating some sort of a vibe that draws these people in?
Here's the thing, though. The guys whom I do have a crush on are definitely my kind of people -- for example, I recently found out that this guy I had a crush on for, like, two years in high school had actually dressed up as the protagonist from the most brilliant comic series I've ever read, "Transmetropolitan", for grad (at the time, I'd heard that he'd shaved his head -- requisite for the costume -- and had been convinced that it was simply bad taste on his part) -- but they never seem to love me back when I do ask them out.
I mean, you saw how deliriously happy I was to have the opportunity to have feelings for Mike, right? A few weeks ago, I finally popped the, "So, like, are we dating?" question, and he goes and sends me a letter that basically says, "I think that you're a wonderful person and I enjoy spending time with you and learning about you and cuddling with you, and maybe down the line, when I'm not reveling in my freedom, we can give something a try. The prospects of that happening, however, don't look too good from where I'm standing, so don't keep your hope up because there really isn't a chance in hell that anything will come out of this -- so let's just enjoy what we have and leave it at that, okay?" (Does that make any sense to you? I mean, you always joke about things being too good to be true, but you never expect to have been perfectly correct in making that assertion! I swear to god, part of me wants to get down on my knees and yell, "What the hell's wrong with you? I mean, hello? Good-looking girl, a functional brain, and some degree of artistic talent! I'm a good specimen! You- you can want to take things back a step now, sure, but forever?!")
Why does this happen to me, Dr. Skeeterlove? Why?!
-- Ophira (
Re: Dear Dr. Skeeterlove:
Date: 2005-02-21 11:10 am (UTC)2) Boys are dumb. Seriously. ::laughs:: But you know, if he's insistent on keeping things the way they are, there's no reason why you can't leave yourself open to bigger and better things, too. The whole "freedom" thing goes both ways.
ANYWAY, the main thing I wanted to do is let you know that the happy brush order shipped today! Hopefully it'll get here before I toddle off to Davis on Friday morning, so I at least know it's safe and accounted for. (I'll likely be too damned busy to ship it until after I get back on Sunday, anyway)