Ask Me Anything! Episode 1.4

[batskeets]

Today, amisplacedphile asks: What's the meaing of life, really?

Uh, I dunno. Basically, Life means that we get to screw around for ~70 years, form somewhat illogical hypotheses about what will make us happy, do random crap based on these hypotheses, and see what happens. It's like the world's biggest science experiment, and everyone has to participate! The only difference is that, if the results suck, then you have to actually live with it, instead of dumping the suckitude off on a bunch of monkeys or lab rats.

And weds asks: How do you put in a contact lens? 'Cause damn.

Well, by my observation, the basic process seems to involve balancing the lens on your finger, jamming said finger into your eye, and then squeezing your eyes shut and stumbling around blindly until the burning stops.

Of course, having never worn them myself, I could be wrong on this.

That's all for now. Tune in tomorrow!

Comments

[kamuix99.livejournal.com]

Contacts are the good stuff. Been wearing them for five months. It takes a while to get used to them... and it is weird putting a foreign object into your eye. XD

wow.

[amisplacedphile.livejournal.com]

So life isn'ta ll about eating chocolate then? Damn. Back to the draw-er-ing board

[trashlee.livejournal.com]

How to Insert Contact Lenses

1) Have you seen Winona Ryder, or possibly a frog? If you cannot make your eyes as wide as that, it may be necessary to surgically remove your eyelids

2) Now that roughly half the surface area of your eyeball is accessible, douse it with eye drops. Nothing makes an eyeball more receptive to foreign objects than simulated tears. Place contact lens on fingertip.

3) Stare into a mirror and do not, do not do not, stop staring into your hugely popped-out eye. Gosh, don't eyes look weird, you think to yourself? They're also very fragile, but you'll find that out on your own.

4) Tell your eye it is not really seeing your finger get closer and closer to your eyeball.

5) Resist your instictive urges to protect valuable body parts. Remember to keep your eye as wide as possible. Without blinking, delicately tap the lens onto your eyeball. Look straight ahead--do not let your eye focus on the lens--that's what your other eye is for!--got it? Or, you can try sliding it on by moving your finger across the surface and touching down just enough to drop the lens onto your waiting moist sphericals. I prefer to put the lens on as close to the middle of my eye as possible...if it's in the corner, it's more likely to be blinked out before it settles in place.

6) DO NOT BLINK. While not blinking: Look up, look to the side, look down, look up. It should settle into place.

7) Now blink. Ow that burns huh. But hopefully you were successful.

[craftyran.livejournal.com]

My aunt and I have this theory that we're really this big alien experiment, and they're just messing around to see how long it will take us to destroy ourselves.

Happy!

[totchiko.livejournal.com]

Having worn contacts exclusively for the past 6 years, I figured I'd weigh in on this one. ^^;; CONTACTS ARE NOT HARD TO PUT IN. They're fucking easy after the first month or so. What I always did was:

1. Open lens case, fish out contact (right first, left second for me LOL). Balance contact on index finger to make sure it's not inside out-- right side out = bowl shaped, inside out = saucer shaped-- and inspect for clarity/foreign objects. Sometimes a little piece of dust or a piece of fuzz will stick to the lense even after cleaning, and these can be annoying and/or painful. If clear, proceed to step 2. If not, pull out trusty bottle of saline and, with the lense in your palm rinse one/both sides until clear, then proceed to step 2.

2. For right eye: Balance lense on left index finger. Use right middle finger and fourth finger to pull down lower lid and check to make sure the area around the eye is clear of sleep-induced gunk and/or eyelashes that have either fallen out, or been bent backwards. Generally I'll just sweep my right index finger across the inside of the lid from left to right once to do this. It's not as scary as it sounds! You get used to touching your eyes like this pretty quickly and it's really no big deal.

uhh... (*runs into bathroom, picks up lense.. AH HA!*)

3. Transfer lense from left index finger to right index finger. Once transfered, use right middle and fourth finger to pull down the lower lid as directed in step 2, making sure to keep your index finger straight, pointing away and mostly facing upwards. The lense will stick if turned upside down, but it's still not a good idea.

4. Bring left arm up and curve around face with palm facing in so that you can easily grab upper right lid with three (index, middle, fourth) fingers on left hand. Look up as far as you can, and in this position trap the upper lid and eyelashes with the three fingers. One lid is secured, relax eye.

5. Look straight forward, preferably into a mirror and gently tap right index finger to the center of your pupil, removing finger quickly. This should get easier over time.. for example, I can bring my finger in straight towards my pupil and touch my cornea without flinching now even when not inserting a contact. Wouldn't recommend doing that without washing your hands first, though. After tapping HOLD POSITION. Do NOT blink. Do NOT remove hands or let go of lids.

6. Time to settle the lense! First look up and then down quickly without moving your head or letting go of your lids. This should smooth out the lense and get rid of any air bubbles. Generall you will feel and/or hear when air bubbles are forced out. Next look side to side to center the lense, and finally roll your eye around in the socket once or twice to make sure the lense is secure.

7. Let go of eyelids and blink a few times rapidly while checking for clarity and comfort. Optional: Inspect fit in mirror. Lense should be almost invisible, and cover the iris completely. If unformfortable: remove lense, rinse with saline, check eye for eyelashes and/or gunk and try again.

8. Repeat steps 1-7 for left eye.

From begining to end it should take about 10-15 seconds per eye.

ohh.. that was longer than I expected.