Bwahaha!

I picked out a bunch more anime DVDs for NetFlix to ship me in the future... so now I have the next 30 or so anime nights taken care of. ::asdlfjadfhadfkagsdfkja::

Lessee... I have money now, and it's hella cool, cos I'm gonna have even more because I'm finally getting rid of my old computer... the poor thing has been pretty much gathering dust in recent months, so it deserves a good home. And the best home for the money that Shecky's worth is MY POCKET. Das right, j0!

Enterprise got pre-empted for some dumb basketball game, which was a pisser. But we waited a while and eventually watched it at like 10:30. It came on halfway thru West Wing, so James taped it for us, and we had to wait until 10:30 for it to end. In the half hour or so between West Wing and Enterprise, we watched DIRTY PAIR. It was so, so silly. 80's anime is a kick in the pants. LMAO!

After that, it was Shari's. There were 8 of us left looking for food after Enterprise, so we went to Shari's and had a hella fun time. It's so nice to have new faces around. Not that I don't love the old ones, because I really do! But I guess having new people around makes one feel less socially stagnant than one might feel otherwise. And if they're *good* new people, then so much the better.

Aaaaannnyways, we got back at 2am. I would almost consider staying up all night, but I am NOT going to nap between classes tomorrow! I need to put in more time at work than I have been lately, now that people are actually starting to give me projects here and there. Feh. It'd be nice to just be a student and not a student employee as well.
The trouble with student jobs is that, most of the time, nobody really cares if you do a fan-freakin'-tastic job every single day of the week, as long as it gets done. And that doesn't generally make anybody want to bust his or her ass and be Mr. Super-Duper all the time if nobody's going to appreciate it. And thusly, motivation to work at all begins to flyyyy awaaay like a little birdie.

Oh yeah, I should upload my Coast Pict0rs now, before I forget. When they're up, they will reside HERE.

Otherwise, g'night folks.

Let's go surfing!

Man, gotta love this wireless stuff they have. Mmm mmm bandwidth-a-licious.

So yeah, I'm in the EMU Fishbowl. Since I'm temporarily rolling in the riches, I'm going to have me a tasty lunch here today. I <3 Subway. I'm insanely exhausted because I got a scant 3.5 hours of sleep, and it's really friggin' hot in here, to boot. I'm not sure whether to attribute it to my warm clothes, the high number of people in here, or my generally screwy bodily functions. But yeah, I'm sweaty, and it sucks.

Since Group B is having their oral exams in Japanese today, it means *I* don't have to go, because I went yeseterday with all the Group A kids. Woo! Bad part: I have to go to the bloody Programs Finance Council meeting this afternoon so the GC can try to get money next year. Sounds like a snorefest to me, but since we may not even have a treasurer now, I'm kind of stuck with the job until we can elect a new one.

LOL, some people nearby are practing for what sounds like *their* Japanese oral exam. They must be in a different section of Japanese 101 though, because I don't recognize them.

One of the things I love about that class, and most language classes that I've taken: everyone's generally really nice to everyone else, and we're all pretty well-acquainted. I saw one of my classmates on Friday when I was at the mall with Cory and David, and she *actually waved and said hi* to me. It's usually sheer luck if they even recognize me outside of class. ::rotfl:: I love language classes, they're such a friendly learning environment. :D

Blah, MBTV doesn't want to load, and they have a new Survivor recap up! ::cries:: Oh well, I can always read it at work.

Argh, I hope the chick who asked me to watch her stuff comes back soon, so I can go to the bathroom without having all my stuff stolen or something. ^^; Anyways, I'm out.

Exorcising the demons

Well, kids, it's the moment of truth here, and now that I pretty much know the initial result, I think it is time to end the suspense and talk about the potentially cool/horrifying thing I mentioned previously. This is gonna be a long post.

Y'see, I did a lot of driving on Saturday, and thusly, I did a lot of thinking. A lot of it centered around another party that was happening at the same time that Saturday, one that would have been nice to go to, because a lot of my old friends from AHS were going to be there, and I would have enjoyed seeing them. A few of them had asked me why I wasn't going, and the answer to that was simple: It was being thrown by Julian, a.k.a. the ex-boyfriend who, for all I knew at the time, probably wanted to stab me in the eye with a variety of pointy objects. And I hadn't made the invite list, so I figured I wasn't welcome.

Now, before you say "oh, but everyone's invited to those parties!" I would like to point out that the last time I showed up at one of them unannounced (Justin carted me along for one about a year after the breakup), he would barely even talk to me, and his lady got grumpier and grumpier as the night went on. So while it has been almost 2 years since that incident, I do feel I have reason to think that I shouldn't go unless specifically asked.

So anyways, I went up to Wilsonville and had a smashing good time at Dynee and Amy's party, so everything was cool, but on the car ride home, I started feeling grumpy, because I kept thinking about that other party. And the thing of it is, whenever I think about Julian in any capacity, I ultimately feel like a giant asshole because of how moronic I was during and after the break-up.

You see, I sat him down and had the break-up talk after I got back from Christmas break, fully intending to just end it right there... but then he made the sad face that I can-not refuse, and I turned on the waterworks, and at the end of The Talk, we hadn't broken up exactly. It was more of a "let's spend a month apart, but not date other people" thing. That was one of the problems in our relationship: I'd always end up compromising on Really Important Stuff like that, even when I didn't want to and/or really shouldn't have. I should have stuck to my guns, but I was never very good at that.

Then, on the same night, I met Ben, a.k.a. the long-distance rebound boy. He started showing interest instantaneously, and I, having only dated one person in my life, was flattered as all get out. Over the next couple weeks, things went faster than they should have, and somewhere along the line I just decided to ignore the "not date other people" part of the deal I'd made with Julian, because I'd be damned if anyone was going to keep me from being happy again.

Y'see, during that time period, I was certainly not at my best. I started out hoping to ease him through it, and I even waited several months, just trying to come up with a decent explanation for why I was unhappy. But somewhere along the line, I started being incredibly selfish, becauseI was having such a miserable time in pretty much every aspect of my life. I had no real goals, hated school, hated myself, and had no friends that I ever interacted with in a non-electronic form. I guess I got all indignant and started thinking that I would never be happy unless I was willing to step all over somebody else in order to get that happiness. And Julian, being The Boyfriend, was the closest person to step on.

Needless to say, I've since learned the error of my ways, and it still bothers me that I was ever callous enough to act that way. It's probably the only major thing in my life now that I still regret.

Anyways, flash forward to last Saturday night, about 2am. I got back to the apartment, and I sat down and typed out a lengthy e-mail to Julian. (this is why we love the internet: because lame-ass weenies like me can pour their hearts out, without the nerves that come with doing so to someone's face) I talked about how I still feel like a jerk for what I did, and that I'm sick of being pissed off, and that I'm tired of wondering where I stand, and that I wanted to just start over, and see if we could at least be cordial, and maybe even be friends down the road. It was a really hard thing to do, and I was petrified about the kind of response I'd get. But, luckily, he didn't tell me to piss off and never talk to him again.

To make the long story shorter, after a few more e-mails, we had decided to get together today at noon, with the possibility of me buying him lunch, if I had the money for it.

But alas, there is currently no Julian, and seeing as it was 12:45 when I started typing this, I do believe I've been stood up.

I'm not getting pissed, I'm not getting pissed.

Actually, y'know, I really am pretty calm about it, though. I mean, knowing him as well as I do (or as well as I used to, anyway), he probably overslept or something like that. Or he could have come into the Fishbowl around 12:15, when I ran to the bathroom because I couldn't hold it any longer. Or maybe something came up. I don't know, and I forgot my cell, which is where he would have called if something happened. But I've been pretty flaky myself from time to time, so I probably shouldn't be tarring and feathering him for this yet.

But still, this does bring about the oh-so-lovely nagging doubt that maybe I'm just wasting my time trying to make amends for what happened in the past. But I sincerely hope I'm not.

We'll find out whenever he decides to e-mail me again, I suppose.

Blaaahhhh.

I definitely need to start coming in to work for bigger blocks of time. I've been incredibly productive today considering how tired I am, and I think it's mostly due to the fact that I have to stay here until it's time to go to the PFC meeting. I've been here for probably 3 hours now, and I've been doing a lot more work and a lot less slack. I think this is all due to the part of my personality that makes me not want to start something unless I think I can finish it in the time alloted.

Greh. I do *not* want to go to this meeting. I want to go home and do something that doesn't involve the ASUO or their stupid bureaucracy surfing. SIGH. Life is, indeed, a bitch.

I should probably go soon, since I need to drop off my Multimedia pre-reg form, too. They'll probably give me 235 next term because I didn't get it this term. And I hopehopehope that they give me Web Development next term, even though I haven't taken 394 yet. 394 = Digital Illustration. Gee, like I haven't been doing *that* stuff forever and a day. :p But yeah, if I don't get Web Dev, then I'll get 3D Computer Imaging or Digital Video/Audio, which both sound interesting, but I'm not as interested in those as I am in Web Dev. Feh. Crossing my fingers.

LET'S SEE... um, my lunch was tasty. Although Subway sandwiches have an aftertaste that has a way of sticking in your mouth long after you've finished eating one, and that kind of sucks. But at the time, MAN OH MAN was it good.

Mufufufu. I'd better run away now.

I AM TIRED. x_x

Today was such a drag. Well, I guess the day itself wasn't a drag, it's just the fact that I'm soooo tired that I pretty much had to drag myself around all afternoon, to work, the fine arts office, the PFC meeting, and then home. I'm amazed that I didn't fall asleep during that meeting.

The good news is, the budget thing may not be so complicated. Randy was at the meeting, and he helped the GC iron out a budget last year, so he came through again and gave me some *very* helpful suggestions and guidance. PHEW. x_x Looks like we're aiming to double our budget from last year by increasing Conference (events like Gamex, etc.) and Reference (gaming books and materials) by $150 each. :D I kinda doubt we'll get as much as we want, but maybe they'll be nice since it's our first year with funding. Ha. ;p

Anyways, I'm gonna go get ready for SURVIVOR! :D More later, if I'm not too tired.