Happiness.
Sep. 12th, 2005 10:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
batskeetsIt seems a bit silly to glean much depth from a program like Ally McBeal, but there is one line from that show which has stuck in my mind over the years, and it seems appropriate today:
"Happy is easy. You act happy, others see you as happy, you see yourself through their eyes, and you feel happy. It doesn't work for lonely."
I woke up today and consciously resolved to be happy. I got a full night's sleep, and that was wonderful, but that insane happy feeling I had last week was conspicuously absent. I must admit, it has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over these past few days, for reasons that I may or may not go into later, but I managed to keep busy enough over the weekend that I didn't really notice until a couple of hours ago.
It was at that point that the indignant part of my consciousness jumped up and demanded more than one week of happy. I deserve more than that, don't I? At the very least, if I don't feel quite as happy, I can try to behave as if I am. Maybe if I keep it up for long enough, I'll start feeling it again. Maybe I can fool myself back into that cheerful mood.
And that brings to mind another quote, courtesy of Denis Leary:
"You don't welcome death. You punch him in the throat as he drags you away."
Whether it's something small and trivial, like a card game, or something with a greater impact on life and the world, I don't like to go down easy. Even if it seems that something or someone is about to defeat you, why make it simpler for them? Even if they ultimately prevail, make them earn it, make them bleed for it, make them wish they hadn't tried.
Sometimes, it seems easier to just sit back and give up; but good things rarely come with ease. It may be the more difficult path, but I don't have to welcome sadness or loneliness. They can pull at my feet and try to drag me down again, but I won't let go of happiness until they pry my fingers loose.
Maybe, if I try hard enough, I'll forget what it means to be lonely.
"Happy is easy. You act happy, others see you as happy, you see yourself through their eyes, and you feel happy. It doesn't work for lonely."
I woke up today and consciously resolved to be happy. I got a full night's sleep, and that was wonderful, but that insane happy feeling I had last week was conspicuously absent. I must admit, it has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster over these past few days, for reasons that I may or may not go into later, but I managed to keep busy enough over the weekend that I didn't really notice until a couple of hours ago.
It was at that point that the indignant part of my consciousness jumped up and demanded more than one week of happy. I deserve more than that, don't I? At the very least, if I don't feel quite as happy, I can try to behave as if I am. Maybe if I keep it up for long enough, I'll start feeling it again. Maybe I can fool myself back into that cheerful mood.
And that brings to mind another quote, courtesy of Denis Leary:
"You don't welcome death. You punch him in the throat as he drags you away."
Whether it's something small and trivial, like a card game, or something with a greater impact on life and the world, I don't like to go down easy. Even if it seems that something or someone is about to defeat you, why make it simpler for them? Even if they ultimately prevail, make them earn it, make them bleed for it, make them wish they hadn't tried.
Sometimes, it seems easier to just sit back and give up; but good things rarely come with ease. It may be the more difficult path, but I don't have to welcome sadness or loneliness. They can pull at my feet and try to drag me down again, but I won't let go of happiness until they pry my fingers loose.
Maybe, if I try hard enough, I'll forget what it means to be lonely.
