"And I fear, I have nothing to give."

[batskeets]

So, I'm thinking tomorrow afternoon is the deadline. If the PS2 doesn't arrive by tomorrow afternoon, then Mr. Bigglesworth is going to get upset. And you know what happens when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset! ;p

I think I am too good at being fake-cheerful, especially here. Right now, my head is killing me, my eyes hurt, and my mood is kind of in the crapper. I feel okay most of the time, but there's always a sense of worry in the back of my mind, about what's going to happen to me a few weeks or months down the road. It's basically impossible to stop thinking about it--the best I can do is push it back into the lower levels of my consciousness, and let it fester in a corner.

There are several things that I'm kind of afraid to do right now, because, while they could be great for me in one sense, they would also be emotionally debilitating as hell in another. It's not even certain that any of it will work out, but I almost fear just being faced with the choice. Is that stupid? Probably.

I think this is a big part of why I suddenly want to get out and do things. Without classes or a day job, I don't really have anywhere to be, and that leaves me far too much time to dwell on terrifying thoughts. Yes, come out and dance, or sing, or get sloshed with me. It'll take the edge off for many of us, I reckon.

Oh, and thank God (and Bristol-Meyers Squibb Co.) for Excedrin.

Comments

[addwag.livejournal.com]

i ask myself a lot what would i do if I knew i couldnt fail---

[skeets.livejournal.com]

That'd be nice--then all the hard choices would become pretty easy ones. ^^;

[alaindan.livejournal.com]

Excedrin -- the number one most important item in any race car engineer's bag.

[muerte.livejournal.com]

What kinda PS2 deal did you get from Ebay?

[skeets.livejournal.com]

It's a PS2 with box, all hookups, controller, multitap adapter, and 3 games, for ~$150. Not the *best* deal I could have gotten, but the multitap is worth $30-40 retail by itself, and I will probably sell off any games I don't like.